Warning: I am angry and appalled by some statements I heard the other night. While I still have that hope that perhaps the person who stated these things to me wasn't portraying their point in the right way, it set me off to hear what he said and I felt that I needed to defend myself and speak my mind.
All things are relative. This statement I agree with. I agree that life is all about perspective. To one person, something that happens to them may seem like the end of the world because it is the most tragic thing to ever happen to them. I think saying that two situations happening to two different people can be declared as relative, yes, but only if the two things are in the same type of category. You can compare apples and oranges and say that their effect on people is relative, however, you cannot compare apples and race cars in the same way.
Let me explain.
The other day when discussing one of my previous blog entries with someone, they said that things are all relative. I understand this, as I have already said. If anyone understands seeing different perspectives, and understands that everyone can see things in a different way because of their own life experience, I certainly do. However, the example they decided to use highly offended me. This person had the audacity to claim that a 40 year old man with a wife and kids losing his job, is similar to a thirteen year old girl being raped by her father. He claimed that to each of these people that event may be the most traumatic thing to ever happen to them, and because of that, they are the same.
Seriously?
First let me start off by saying, yes, I do understand that they are similar in the aspect that they may be the worst event that person has experienced. I really do. However, that is where the similarities end. To start off, the 40 year old man who has lost his job, can at least count his blessings that he has a family, has children, a wife, had a job in the first place, etc. Also, a job is replaceable. Innocence is not. The 40 year old man has at least gotten to live his life a bit, and if he is intelligent, knows that life has its ups and downs, and chances are, because he has a family, he'll see the importance in finding another job and do what he has to do to get a new one. I'm not saying he might not be devastated, and there is a chance that he may end up becoming an alcoholic, or commit suicide, or some other tragic thing. No person's reaction can be predicted. However, for the rest of her life, when she is already so young, that poor 13 year old girl is going to carry that weight around. She did nothing to encourage being raped, and now she has lost her innocence, her trust in her family, her control. She will have issues in her future relationships, she will probably have issues with having sex, etc. In this case, she may not be destined for failure. She could end up holding out for the right relationship, getting married, and starting a charity for girls who are domestically abused. I'm not saying that she wouldn't. I'm just stating that while yes, a person's reaction is relative, it is dependent on how they feel, their perspective, their life, and what they choose to do with what has happened to them. My issue is that I cannot fathom the comparison of the two being considered similar. I guarantee if you polled forty year old men with wives and kids who had lost their job and asked them which was worse, they would agree that the 13 year old girl had bigger problems than themselves.
My theory of relativity is that, yes, everything is relative, it depends on a person's perspective of what is tragic to them. But I think there are very few people in the world that would not agree with me that rape is worse than someone losing a job. Honestly, the people who wouldn't agree with me, are probably the monsters that rape 13 year old children. (I am not saying that the person who said this to me rapes 13 year old children). I think that while things are relative to each individual, there are certain things that are definitely worse than others and that most people would agree. I feel that the comparison was the problem. I believe that the person was trying to compare two things that had no business being compared. It is as ludicrous as comparing an American being distraught over a hangnail as the same thing as an American firefighter being distraught over the fall of the twin towers. You can compare two somewhat similar things and say they are relative. You can say that one losing a job, and one losing a significant other, can be equally devastating to each person because it is relative to what they have been through. You can not compare losing a job to a child being raped.
I believe I am too close to this issue, maybe that is why I got so heated about it, but it really led me to lose a little respect for the person. I can only hope that the person did not communicate their point in an effective manner. I really do encourage all conversations and debates about my blog, I just insist that they use a little more intelligence than this offensive conversation. I also insist that while I allow them to state their case, that then they allow me to state my rebuttal, and then I will continue the debate taking turns with the person, expressing our individual beliefs until I feel the conversation has reached its end. But I do not encourage people to throw their opinions at me and not hear what I have to say as a reply, especially when it is something as detestable as expressing an opinion about rape.
My feelings on this topic are all relative, but I guarantee that the majority of the people who read this blog would agree. While everything can be relative, some things are just general beliefs that the majority hold about life. Some things are taboo, some things are wrong, some things are unacceptable. Yes, it is all relative to the person who experiences it, hears about it, or thinks about it, but in some cases the world comes together to believe the same thing about a specific idea. Compare similar things and we'll debate. Compare a chair to Pluto, and I think it's a waste of my time.
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Friday, January 6, 2012
I love you, socks.
It seems like in the past ten years or so people throw out the words "I love you" way too soon. I feel like the legitimate meaning of the word has almost been lost. I'm not saying I have not been known to say those three words early in a relationship, I actually have quite often, but now that I've gotten older I've learned to really appreciate the full meaning of those words and wonder why the world has become so folly in the expression of them. It is as if a relationship is validated when someone spits out these words, and yet while the person may feel like they do love the person, I highly doubt they really do.
Some people run from it. I know a girl who started dating this guy, and within three days of their relationship, he wrote "I love you" on her facebook wall (which of course makes it official), and she broke up with him. I don't think she broke up with him because the fact that he loved her overwhelmed him, but instead, because she thought he was moving way too fast, and didn't really love her.
So what is it about these words? Why do people feel the need to say they love someone within the first month of their relationship? Is it a way of staking a claim? "Hello you, I love you, so now my heart is really on the line and you can't break my heart or I'll be absolutely devastated" may be the true subtext. I'm not sure. Usually when I enter into a relationship, I have had deep conversations with the person before even starting to date them, and feel I know them on a pretty personal level. This justification used to lead me to feel confident in my reasoning for why I have said "I love you" early in a relationship. Some people have known the person for months or years before dating them, so when they finally have the person in a relationship, they feel so overwhelmed by the beginning butterflies that they feel they are in love, and feel the need to express it. But do they really?
Over time I have found that those beginning butterflies do not equate to love. Yes when you first begin to fall for someone, they make you want to dance, you smile for seemingly no reason other than the thought of them, you go to sleep thinking about them, wake up thinking about them, and all the moments in between you think about them. This is not love. Perhaps it is love for the idea of things to come. You are in love with the idea of being in love, but you do not love that person.
Love happens later, much later, when you can overlook all of that persons flaws, not because you haven't seen them yet, but because there is so many better things for you to care about. Their flaws seem insignificant because of how you feel about them in the bigger picture. Loving someone is loving not just who they are, but how they make you, and how you make them. Loving someone is about being confident that they will always be there for you, you will always be there for them, and you can conquer anything together. I'm not saying that people don't often feel this way in the beginning of a relationship. In fact, the majority of people do feel that way in the beginning. But in the beginning, things are still fresh. People are eager to please and so they present themselves in a manner worthy of the other person's affections. The relationship is not real yet, it is ethereal. It is not until you strip down the relationship, take away that desperation to please and find acceptance, and truly become comfortable and act yourself, that you can be able to be loved. The other person must do the same in order to be loved by you. In the beginning you are shaded portrayals of yourself, and so if someone claims they love you, they don't really love you.
It's like a pair of socks. When you first buy a pair of socks, they are comfortable and soft and fit on your feet perfectly, and you may seem to love your socks. But after time wearing them, and a few times run through the washer, they may lose that appeal. If not, then yeah, sure, you love your socks, I suppose. However, most of the time, they stretch and don't fit your feet so well, or they get that dirty stain even though you've run them through the washer with bleach. (So annoying). It's very rare to find socks that no matter what they go through, will still give you that same, new feeling when you put them on. That is love. When no matter what has been thrown at you (because yes, people, real love has obstacles and is not easy), you still get that same feeling of comfort with that person at the end of the day. Love takes time. Sad to say, over time, people have begun to blurt out the words at every turn. I love you, man. I love my new phone. I love this, I love that. Do you really? Let's take a step back and really evaluate what we feel the word means. Take a minute, or an hour, or a day, or maybe even a freaking year to reevaluate the true power of love, and the true meaning behind it. Stop throwing the word out there like it is any other word like "and". Say it because you mean it at that moment, and not simply because they said it and you feel like saying it back. Don't say it because you're getting off the phone and it feels as easy to say as goodbye. Every single moment you say those words, make sure you feel it in your heart, soul, deep down. Then we'll take back the words "I love you". We'll give them real meaning.
Anyone can say a word. Here you go, "Blagspotiffbooger". It means nothing, except a silly word until you give it meaning. The meaning has to be significant. You have to feel it.
I love you, socks.
Some people run from it. I know a girl who started dating this guy, and within three days of their relationship, he wrote "I love you" on her facebook wall (which of course makes it official), and she broke up with him. I don't think she broke up with him because the fact that he loved her overwhelmed him, but instead, because she thought he was moving way too fast, and didn't really love her.
So what is it about these words? Why do people feel the need to say they love someone within the first month of their relationship? Is it a way of staking a claim? "Hello you, I love you, so now my heart is really on the line and you can't break my heart or I'll be absolutely devastated" may be the true subtext. I'm not sure. Usually when I enter into a relationship, I have had deep conversations with the person before even starting to date them, and feel I know them on a pretty personal level. This justification used to lead me to feel confident in my reasoning for why I have said "I love you" early in a relationship. Some people have known the person for months or years before dating them, so when they finally have the person in a relationship, they feel so overwhelmed by the beginning butterflies that they feel they are in love, and feel the need to express it. But do they really?
Over time I have found that those beginning butterflies do not equate to love. Yes when you first begin to fall for someone, they make you want to dance, you smile for seemingly no reason other than the thought of them, you go to sleep thinking about them, wake up thinking about them, and all the moments in between you think about them. This is not love. Perhaps it is love for the idea of things to come. You are in love with the idea of being in love, but you do not love that person.
Love happens later, much later, when you can overlook all of that persons flaws, not because you haven't seen them yet, but because there is so many better things for you to care about. Their flaws seem insignificant because of how you feel about them in the bigger picture. Loving someone is loving not just who they are, but how they make you, and how you make them. Loving someone is about being confident that they will always be there for you, you will always be there for them, and you can conquer anything together. I'm not saying that people don't often feel this way in the beginning of a relationship. In fact, the majority of people do feel that way in the beginning. But in the beginning, things are still fresh. People are eager to please and so they present themselves in a manner worthy of the other person's affections. The relationship is not real yet, it is ethereal. It is not until you strip down the relationship, take away that desperation to please and find acceptance, and truly become comfortable and act yourself, that you can be able to be loved. The other person must do the same in order to be loved by you. In the beginning you are shaded portrayals of yourself, and so if someone claims they love you, they don't really love you.
It's like a pair of socks. When you first buy a pair of socks, they are comfortable and soft and fit on your feet perfectly, and you may seem to love your socks. But after time wearing them, and a few times run through the washer, they may lose that appeal. If not, then yeah, sure, you love your socks, I suppose. However, most of the time, they stretch and don't fit your feet so well, or they get that dirty stain even though you've run them through the washer with bleach. (So annoying). It's very rare to find socks that no matter what they go through, will still give you that same, new feeling when you put them on. That is love. When no matter what has been thrown at you (because yes, people, real love has obstacles and is not easy), you still get that same feeling of comfort with that person at the end of the day. Love takes time. Sad to say, over time, people have begun to blurt out the words at every turn. I love you, man. I love my new phone. I love this, I love that. Do you really? Let's take a step back and really evaluate what we feel the word means. Take a minute, or an hour, or a day, or maybe even a freaking year to reevaluate the true power of love, and the true meaning behind it. Stop throwing the word out there like it is any other word like "and". Say it because you mean it at that moment, and not simply because they said it and you feel like saying it back. Don't say it because you're getting off the phone and it feels as easy to say as goodbye. Every single moment you say those words, make sure you feel it in your heart, soul, deep down. Then we'll take back the words "I love you". We'll give them real meaning.
Anyone can say a word. Here you go, "Blagspotiffbooger". It means nothing, except a silly word until you give it meaning. The meaning has to be significant. You have to feel it.
I love you, socks.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Passions
A strange older guy once told one of my employees that if he wanted to start dating a girl, he needed to simply ask her what her passion was. This would spur a conversation more deeper than most, he would get to know her in a more personal manner and show that he wasn't interested in solely having sex with her. Unfortunately for this guy, the girl he asked answered that her passion was sex. Awkward. But anyways, passion is something I once had a heated discussion with and would like to share with my readers today.
My passion is writing, obviously, as well as singing, reading, doing anything creative mostly. My boyfriend's passion is running. Once I was discussing with someone that my boyfriends passion is one thing that I allow him to love more than me (not that I have to permit him to love something, but only that I believe it is acceptable for one to love their passion more than the person they are with). The person I was discussing this with found my declaration ludicrous. He said that when you are with someone you are supposed to love them first and foremost. I disagree. I find that the thing that you are passionate about most, is what makes you who you are. How can you truly love someone if you do not love who you are? I think this is impossible. I also believe that writing has been something that has always been my passion, whereas it is very rare that you find the love of your life before you find your passion. If something would happen to me and my boyfriend, writing would still be there for me, it will always be there for me. Also, my boyfriend loves me for who I am, and I am a writer, so if I didn't nurture my passion, then it would make him be in love with someone who does not exist.
I find the best example to explain what I mean is using the military. When someone enlists in the service it is because of their love of their country. Serving their country becomes their passion. Because of this they must leave their family behind, but in a sense they are still protecting their family. The two loves work together, but ultimately the person's passion comes first and foremost. It doesn't mean he loves his family any less, it is simply that his passion makes him the person that he is. Without his passion, and him choosing his passion first, he may not be the man that his family loves so much.
I feel like putting your passion first is important. You must tend to the person you are before you can be loved. As long as your passion does not become obsession, then I think it can help create a healthy relationship.
Be passionate.
My passion is writing, obviously, as well as singing, reading, doing anything creative mostly. My boyfriend's passion is running. Once I was discussing with someone that my boyfriends passion is one thing that I allow him to love more than me (not that I have to permit him to love something, but only that I believe it is acceptable for one to love their passion more than the person they are with). The person I was discussing this with found my declaration ludicrous. He said that when you are with someone you are supposed to love them first and foremost. I disagree. I find that the thing that you are passionate about most, is what makes you who you are. How can you truly love someone if you do not love who you are? I think this is impossible. I also believe that writing has been something that has always been my passion, whereas it is very rare that you find the love of your life before you find your passion. If something would happen to me and my boyfriend, writing would still be there for me, it will always be there for me. Also, my boyfriend loves me for who I am, and I am a writer, so if I didn't nurture my passion, then it would make him be in love with someone who does not exist.
I find the best example to explain what I mean is using the military. When someone enlists in the service it is because of their love of their country. Serving their country becomes their passion. Because of this they must leave their family behind, but in a sense they are still protecting their family. The two loves work together, but ultimately the person's passion comes first and foremost. It doesn't mean he loves his family any less, it is simply that his passion makes him the person that he is. Without his passion, and him choosing his passion first, he may not be the man that his family loves so much.
I feel like putting your passion first is important. You must tend to the person you are before you can be loved. As long as your passion does not become obsession, then I think it can help create a healthy relationship.
Be passionate.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Full Disclosure, Indecent Exposure
Men and women are different in a variety of ways, that much is easy knowledge. But one of the major differences I've noticed as of late, is the amount of information that is disclosed in relationships.
I think it is easy to disclose information up front in a relationship. I'm not saying that if a guy asks me out on a date, I immediately blurt out, "I dated this guy, this guy, and this guy, and this is why I liked him, and this is why we broke up, and this is how I feel about it." But, usually, when I start talking to a guy and find myself liking him, and I can see myself dating him, I try to sit down with him and have a talk where I let him know certain things about my past that I feel are important for him to know. My opinion is, that these occurrences have helped shape me into the person that I am, and he needs to know them before he can truly decide whether or not he wants to be involved with me.
For instance, in several of my previous relationships, I have been verbally and physically abused. As a result of these events, I find myself unable to handle when a guy begins to get angry with me. I shut down, I'll flinch, and I'll usually just apologize for starting the argument in the first place in avoidance to protect myself from what previously happened. It is not that I feel like the guy I am with, or any guy for that matter, is going to assault me. It is simply that I cannot always predict who is going to resort to violence and try to avoid bringing anyone to that point. I feel this is something important for me to disclose in the beginning so that a guy can understand why I break down when someone yells at me, why I may cringe when someone goes to touch my face for the first time, etc.
I also tend to be friends with many of my exes. It is not that I still seek out a relationship with them, but usually when a break up is impending I try to talk things out with that person instead of creating some huge drama-filled blow out. I try to reach a mutual understanding with that person, that they are not evil, and I am not evil, and that if they ever need anything I am there for them, because I still respect them as a person and a friend, even if things have not worked out. Therefore, I find it imperative to disclose who some of my exes are, why we dated, and why we broke up a few months into the relationship in the off chance that I am going somewhere where they will be or a similar situation. I feel like disclosing this beforehand is important. I tend to dislike when someone mentions something after the fact. They go to a party and then they say to you, "Oh yeah my ex was there," and when you ask, "Did you know she was going to be there?" they reply, "I figured she might." I understand to guys you omitting this information may be because you feel it is irrelevant because she is no longer part of your life or you have no interest in her. What men need to understand is that you would demonstrate the same behavior if there was something to hide. If you were still in love with her, and you were looking forward to going to the party to see her, you wouldn't tell the girl you were with. So in both cases, you do not tell your significant other and then she is left to wonder which is the case this time.
I feel like mentioning beforehand is always the better bet. I think it helps you get to know the person better. Some people say that men are taught that disclosing that information gets them in trouble, and that may be the case with some women, but I try not to let it affect me. I would rather know the person I was with fully, their past, their baggage, etc. It helps me understand why they are the way they are. So why do guys seem to frown upon girls who share their past? Why do they see it as we have some attachment to the past and aren't willing to move on?
Our lives are like legos. We get more and more pieces and put them together to create who we are. Every once in awhile we can take apart the pieces and reassemble them in a different way, but we're always using the same pieces to help complete us. Each moment in our life is a lego. In my opinion, when I marry someone, I want them to know what all my legos represent and I want to know the same about them. Why is disclosure considered to be such a bad thing?
I understand that the past is the past, and some people would rather leave it there. But, if you feel like you can spend your life with someone, wouldn't you rather know the things that result in who you are as a person? I think that disclosure can help you better anticipate how the person feels, and make you more empathetic to their situation. If a person was abandoned by their father, you know they are going to try damn hard to be a good father. If a person was cheated on before, you know they are going to be a bit paranoid and distrusting of you for awhile. It helps avoid arguments introducing your past up front because you understand the person better. So blogging world, I apologize if my disclosure to you about my past, or my feelings makes you uncomfortable from time to time. That's just who I am. I enlighten you on my past experiences because I find that relationships in my past have failed. Then later, as we matured, when having a discussion with them, I found that if I had known more about their past, I could have adjusted my behavior slightly and perhaps we would have lasted longer. One of the keys to a lasting relationship is honesty. Another is trust. How can you trust someone if they are not honest with you? Hiding significant details from you is a lie; it is omitting the truth. Just because it may not seem significant to you, does not mean it is not significant to them. I'm not saying to blurt out all of your past transgressions, but get to know the people you are with. I am always seeking knowledge, especially other people's knowledge that they have gained from experience in their own lives. People can surprise you with what they know. People can surprise you with their beliefs. But usually something in their past has caused them to feel that way. Get to know people on a more personal level, understand why they do what they do. It will create a more intimate relationship.
I think it is easy to disclose information up front in a relationship. I'm not saying that if a guy asks me out on a date, I immediately blurt out, "I dated this guy, this guy, and this guy, and this is why I liked him, and this is why we broke up, and this is how I feel about it." But, usually, when I start talking to a guy and find myself liking him, and I can see myself dating him, I try to sit down with him and have a talk where I let him know certain things about my past that I feel are important for him to know. My opinion is, that these occurrences have helped shape me into the person that I am, and he needs to know them before he can truly decide whether or not he wants to be involved with me.
For instance, in several of my previous relationships, I have been verbally and physically abused. As a result of these events, I find myself unable to handle when a guy begins to get angry with me. I shut down, I'll flinch, and I'll usually just apologize for starting the argument in the first place in avoidance to protect myself from what previously happened. It is not that I feel like the guy I am with, or any guy for that matter, is going to assault me. It is simply that I cannot always predict who is going to resort to violence and try to avoid bringing anyone to that point. I feel this is something important for me to disclose in the beginning so that a guy can understand why I break down when someone yells at me, why I may cringe when someone goes to touch my face for the first time, etc.
I also tend to be friends with many of my exes. It is not that I still seek out a relationship with them, but usually when a break up is impending I try to talk things out with that person instead of creating some huge drama-filled blow out. I try to reach a mutual understanding with that person, that they are not evil, and I am not evil, and that if they ever need anything I am there for them, because I still respect them as a person and a friend, even if things have not worked out. Therefore, I find it imperative to disclose who some of my exes are, why we dated, and why we broke up a few months into the relationship in the off chance that I am going somewhere where they will be or a similar situation. I feel like disclosing this beforehand is important. I tend to dislike when someone mentions something after the fact. They go to a party and then they say to you, "Oh yeah my ex was there," and when you ask, "Did you know she was going to be there?" they reply, "I figured she might." I understand to guys you omitting this information may be because you feel it is irrelevant because she is no longer part of your life or you have no interest in her. What men need to understand is that you would demonstrate the same behavior if there was something to hide. If you were still in love with her, and you were looking forward to going to the party to see her, you wouldn't tell the girl you were with. So in both cases, you do not tell your significant other and then she is left to wonder which is the case this time.
I feel like mentioning beforehand is always the better bet. I think it helps you get to know the person better. Some people say that men are taught that disclosing that information gets them in trouble, and that may be the case with some women, but I try not to let it affect me. I would rather know the person I was with fully, their past, their baggage, etc. It helps me understand why they are the way they are. So why do guys seem to frown upon girls who share their past? Why do they see it as we have some attachment to the past and aren't willing to move on?
Our lives are like legos. We get more and more pieces and put them together to create who we are. Every once in awhile we can take apart the pieces and reassemble them in a different way, but we're always using the same pieces to help complete us. Each moment in our life is a lego. In my opinion, when I marry someone, I want them to know what all my legos represent and I want to know the same about them. Why is disclosure considered to be such a bad thing?
I understand that the past is the past, and some people would rather leave it there. But, if you feel like you can spend your life with someone, wouldn't you rather know the things that result in who you are as a person? I think that disclosure can help you better anticipate how the person feels, and make you more empathetic to their situation. If a person was abandoned by their father, you know they are going to try damn hard to be a good father. If a person was cheated on before, you know they are going to be a bit paranoid and distrusting of you for awhile. It helps avoid arguments introducing your past up front because you understand the person better. So blogging world, I apologize if my disclosure to you about my past, or my feelings makes you uncomfortable from time to time. That's just who I am. I enlighten you on my past experiences because I find that relationships in my past have failed. Then later, as we matured, when having a discussion with them, I found that if I had known more about their past, I could have adjusted my behavior slightly and perhaps we would have lasted longer. One of the keys to a lasting relationship is honesty. Another is trust. How can you trust someone if they are not honest with you? Hiding significant details from you is a lie; it is omitting the truth. Just because it may not seem significant to you, does not mean it is not significant to them. I'm not saying to blurt out all of your past transgressions, but get to know the people you are with. I am always seeking knowledge, especially other people's knowledge that they have gained from experience in their own lives. People can surprise you with what they know. People can surprise you with their beliefs. But usually something in their past has caused them to feel that way. Get to know people on a more personal level, understand why they do what they do. It will create a more intimate relationship.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
I think I can, I think I can, but you can't.
My relationship strategy, was actually acquired from my youth pastor in 8th grade, and twisted to suit my own life. He always critiqued me because I went to camps and flirted with boys, and said my focus was not on God, and I was too obsessed with lust. One day he told me, that someday I would get married, and I needed to consider what types of things I wanted my husband to have done. He asked if I would want my husband to be a virgin and me to be the only girl he ever was with. Of course now my opinions have changed significantly, but the one thing that has stuck with me was the equality that he talked of. What would I like my significant other to do? And if I don't want him to do something, is it fair for me to do it? Ever since that conversation I have always considered this equality in relationships. I try not to do anything that I would have a problem with someone else doing. I don't always succeed but I find that having double standards only leads to trouble.
I find that I have a lack of respect towards people with double standards. I find this most often happens at work, where someone will expect the restaurant to be perfect when they come in, yet leave it a trainwreck when they leave. (I admit at times I am guilty of this as well after a certain shift, but I rarely expect the work place to be perfect when I come, more often than not, I anticipate it's not going to be perfect). Also, I find in my relationship there is a double standard, where others think it normal for my boyfriend to stay out at all hours of the night drinking and participating in his own shenanigans, but if I do anything of the sort, I am accused of drinking, being irresponsible, or being a bad girlfriend. I really, really dislike double standards.
You should treat people how you want to be treated. You should work just as hard as you want other people to work for you. You should be there for friends just as much as you hope they are there for you. If you become the person that you wish everyone else was, then you will gain respect for it. Not everyone is perfect, but you can't expect everyone else to be perfect if you do not strive for perfection yourself. Having double standards makes you hypocritical. Be the person you want to be, and let everyone else worry about themselves. Anyone is capable of ANYTHING, no matter if they are woman, minority, child, man, majority, elderly....no matter what age, sex, nationality, ethnicity, income, background, etc. If you have double standards and expect they are not capable or should not be able to do something, you are contributing to the problem. The world needs more love, more acceptance, and more equality.
Dream big. And let others do the same.
I find that I have a lack of respect towards people with double standards. I find this most often happens at work, where someone will expect the restaurant to be perfect when they come in, yet leave it a trainwreck when they leave. (I admit at times I am guilty of this as well after a certain shift, but I rarely expect the work place to be perfect when I come, more often than not, I anticipate it's not going to be perfect). Also, I find in my relationship there is a double standard, where others think it normal for my boyfriend to stay out at all hours of the night drinking and participating in his own shenanigans, but if I do anything of the sort, I am accused of drinking, being irresponsible, or being a bad girlfriend. I really, really dislike double standards.
You should treat people how you want to be treated. You should work just as hard as you want other people to work for you. You should be there for friends just as much as you hope they are there for you. If you become the person that you wish everyone else was, then you will gain respect for it. Not everyone is perfect, but you can't expect everyone else to be perfect if you do not strive for perfection yourself. Having double standards makes you hypocritical. Be the person you want to be, and let everyone else worry about themselves. Anyone is capable of ANYTHING, no matter if they are woman, minority, child, man, majority, elderly....no matter what age, sex, nationality, ethnicity, income, background, etc. If you have double standards and expect they are not capable or should not be able to do something, you are contributing to the problem. The world needs more love, more acceptance, and more equality.
Dream big. And let others do the same.
Monday, January 2, 2012
Age Isn't Just a Number
A little girl at the restaurant yesterday, tried to tell her father that young people were smarter than old people, because old people forget things. I find this quite amusing, and the truth is, it seems like as time goes by, the more young people think they know everything. With the advancement of technology, children are learning things faster, and yes, they can do mathematical equations, speak foreign languages, and other things that older people can't, but the question is, are they really smarter?
I have always measured the level of my intelligence by my experience, combined with what I have learned over the years from school. Because I started school early, I always considered myself smarter than most people my age because I was ahead of them in school. I always had older friends when I was a teenager, and so I felt older than I was, and smarter than most. But, now that I am older, I tend to have younger friends. I don't consider myself better than them, but yes, from time to time I do feel I am smarter than they are. I believe this is mostly because I have gone through certain things that many people haven't, I graduated high school and college, and have made my life essentially about obtaining knowledge in any way, shape, or form. It makes me frustrated to see people younger than me, thinking they have it all figured out. I try to tell them that they think they know everything now but in a few years they'll realize how idiotic they were being, but of course, they never listen. I'm not saying I didn't say the same thing, and I'm not saying that I have everything figured out now either. But I guess with how smart younger people are getting, seemingly, I wonder if maybe they'll figure things out. But I can't really believe that because of how fast the world changes. People change, and as a result, it begins a catalyst of chaotic events to change everything around. So, honestly, no matter how smart we are at any given point in time, no matter how well we think we have things figured out, no matter how many books we've read, languages we know, cultures we've studied, experiments we've concluded, we can't figure things out. No one can predict the future, and no one can ever say with certainty that they know how things are going to go. At the end of the day, we really are as young and naive as children. We can try and say that our experience helps us, but experience can't help you 100% of the time, because things don't happen the same way all the time. There are no definite answers in life. Except maybe, that there is always an exception to the rule. We have nothing figured out. So maybe age is just a number, because at the end of the day we're all in the same boat. We all, know nothing.
This blog could be totally wrong. Who knows? Nobody.
I have always measured the level of my intelligence by my experience, combined with what I have learned over the years from school. Because I started school early, I always considered myself smarter than most people my age because I was ahead of them in school. I always had older friends when I was a teenager, and so I felt older than I was, and smarter than most. But, now that I am older, I tend to have younger friends. I don't consider myself better than them, but yes, from time to time I do feel I am smarter than they are. I believe this is mostly because I have gone through certain things that many people haven't, I graduated high school and college, and have made my life essentially about obtaining knowledge in any way, shape, or form. It makes me frustrated to see people younger than me, thinking they have it all figured out. I try to tell them that they think they know everything now but in a few years they'll realize how idiotic they were being, but of course, they never listen. I'm not saying I didn't say the same thing, and I'm not saying that I have everything figured out now either. But I guess with how smart younger people are getting, seemingly, I wonder if maybe they'll figure things out. But I can't really believe that because of how fast the world changes. People change, and as a result, it begins a catalyst of chaotic events to change everything around. So, honestly, no matter how smart we are at any given point in time, no matter how well we think we have things figured out, no matter how many books we've read, languages we know, cultures we've studied, experiments we've concluded, we can't figure things out. No one can predict the future, and no one can ever say with certainty that they know how things are going to go. At the end of the day, we really are as young and naive as children. We can try and say that our experience helps us, but experience can't help you 100% of the time, because things don't happen the same way all the time. There are no definite answers in life. Except maybe, that there is always an exception to the rule. We have nothing figured out. So maybe age is just a number, because at the end of the day we're all in the same boat. We all, know nothing.
This blog could be totally wrong. Who knows? Nobody.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Heartless?
I had many amusing conversations last night on New Years Eve, including a particular one about girls using bacon to make their vagina taste better, but there was a certain topic that struck me deep to the heart. I wanted to discuss the topic further but as it is a bit of a depressing subject, I didn't want to ruin anyone's New Years with a debate. I simply vowed I would explore it today. I already have run into certain people who have been reading my blog and inform me they would like to discuss some of the things I have said, but I will forewarn you this is not the type of post I am going to want to get into a debate over with just anyone. Now onto the point.
Many campuses, including Shippensburg University, have a club, or hold events for the cause TWLOHA, (To Write love on Her Arms). Essentially, students write the word Love on their arms to demonstrate their support of the cause. The cause is all about raising awareness and reaching out to those who are battling with depression, addiction, self-mutilation, and suicide. Several students on Shippensburg campus participate in this event, but when it comes to the people I know, there are several who participate and then I question why. It gets entirely too exhausting when the majority of my friends are guys, and at times their jokes cross a line that they cannot tell has been crossed. So many make jokes, telling people to go kill themselves, telling someone to make sure they cut "Up and down the river", when people show emotions or act depressed they mock them, but yet turn around and act like they care for the cause. I watch people go into deep depressions and feel like they have to hide from their closest friends in fear of being mocked for it. They feel like something is wrong with them for feeling. But honestly, this isn't even the reaction that bothers me the most. I can deal with insensitive and naive douchebags, who will pretend they are gentleman and stand for something great and true, yet turn around and make jokes about rape or disrespect women on a daily basis. The reaction I am finding most disturbing is actually anger towards those who have cut.
People get angry when someone they love hurts themselves. I get it, I really do, I can completely understand how frustrating it may be to realize that someone has hurt himself or herself, especially when it is someone you care about deeply. But I think anger is actually the last feeling they need to be getting from someone else. Put yourself in the position where you are so lost, so sad, so hurt, to the point where you would actually consider subjecting yourself to self-mutilation. Usually, the people who do cut, feel as if they are trying to communicate their pain to others and nobody is listening, or nobody is there to listen. It is at their moment of feeling the most alone, that they cut. Yet, people show anger towards them? If you were feeling completely alone, and someone you cared about was angry with you, do you think that would help, or make the situation worse? People act angry because you apparently didn't reach out to them. But these depressed people are always trying to reach out, but you are too busy with your own life, or you don't see it, or you mock them. It is very rare that someone is going to have the strength to openly say, "Look, I have a problem, and I'm scared of what I'm going to do" and even if they did, half the time people probably wouldn't take them seriously. I cannot wrap my head around the justification that anger is the appropriate reaction. I know that people cannot always control their emotions, but I feel like in that situation, if it is someone you truly care about, you should be willing to put your anger aside for the moment and just be there for them to give them what they need.
Sometimes all somebody needs is for you to take them in your arms and tell them that you'll protect them, that you'll try to help take the pain away, that they're not alone. Sometimes they may need more than that. But you'll never know what they need if you just present them with anger and make them feel more ashamed by what they've done than they already feel. It makes them feel even more alone, and embarrassed and hurt. Nobody should have to shoulder the pain they feel completely alone. Friends, and loved ones, are supposed to be there to help you through.
I'm not saying I know everything, but this is an issue that hits very close to home, it's something I have never been able to wrap my head around. I feel so much that it is hard for me to understand why people can at times be so selfish and inconsiderate, when someone's life is at stake. So next time before you write love on your arm, ask yourself if you really have been there for the people who are crying out for help. Ask yourself have you made heartless jokes at peoples expense? And if they were dead the next day, would you feel guilty? Rethink your actions, before you pretend to stand for something. Don't act as if you are noble and because you did a few good charitable things that you are a pillar of goodness if you are going to turn around and mock the very people who need you the most.
Have a heart.
Many campuses, including Shippensburg University, have a club, or hold events for the cause TWLOHA, (To Write love on Her Arms). Essentially, students write the word Love on their arms to demonstrate their support of the cause. The cause is all about raising awareness and reaching out to those who are battling with depression, addiction, self-mutilation, and suicide. Several students on Shippensburg campus participate in this event, but when it comes to the people I know, there are several who participate and then I question why. It gets entirely too exhausting when the majority of my friends are guys, and at times their jokes cross a line that they cannot tell has been crossed. So many make jokes, telling people to go kill themselves, telling someone to make sure they cut "Up and down the river", when people show emotions or act depressed they mock them, but yet turn around and act like they care for the cause. I watch people go into deep depressions and feel like they have to hide from their closest friends in fear of being mocked for it. They feel like something is wrong with them for feeling. But honestly, this isn't even the reaction that bothers me the most. I can deal with insensitive and naive douchebags, who will pretend they are gentleman and stand for something great and true, yet turn around and make jokes about rape or disrespect women on a daily basis. The reaction I am finding most disturbing is actually anger towards those who have cut.
People get angry when someone they love hurts themselves. I get it, I really do, I can completely understand how frustrating it may be to realize that someone has hurt himself or herself, especially when it is someone you care about deeply. But I think anger is actually the last feeling they need to be getting from someone else. Put yourself in the position where you are so lost, so sad, so hurt, to the point where you would actually consider subjecting yourself to self-mutilation. Usually, the people who do cut, feel as if they are trying to communicate their pain to others and nobody is listening, or nobody is there to listen. It is at their moment of feeling the most alone, that they cut. Yet, people show anger towards them? If you were feeling completely alone, and someone you cared about was angry with you, do you think that would help, or make the situation worse? People act angry because you apparently didn't reach out to them. But these depressed people are always trying to reach out, but you are too busy with your own life, or you don't see it, or you mock them. It is very rare that someone is going to have the strength to openly say, "Look, I have a problem, and I'm scared of what I'm going to do" and even if they did, half the time people probably wouldn't take them seriously. I cannot wrap my head around the justification that anger is the appropriate reaction. I know that people cannot always control their emotions, but I feel like in that situation, if it is someone you truly care about, you should be willing to put your anger aside for the moment and just be there for them to give them what they need.
Sometimes all somebody needs is for you to take them in your arms and tell them that you'll protect them, that you'll try to help take the pain away, that they're not alone. Sometimes they may need more than that. But you'll never know what they need if you just present them with anger and make them feel more ashamed by what they've done than they already feel. It makes them feel even more alone, and embarrassed and hurt. Nobody should have to shoulder the pain they feel completely alone. Friends, and loved ones, are supposed to be there to help you through.
I'm not saying I know everything, but this is an issue that hits very close to home, it's something I have never been able to wrap my head around. I feel so much that it is hard for me to understand why people can at times be so selfish and inconsiderate, when someone's life is at stake. So next time before you write love on your arm, ask yourself if you really have been there for the people who are crying out for help. Ask yourself have you made heartless jokes at peoples expense? And if they were dead the next day, would you feel guilty? Rethink your actions, before you pretend to stand for something. Don't act as if you are noble and because you did a few good charitable things that you are a pillar of goodness if you are going to turn around and mock the very people who need you the most.
Have a heart.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)