Monday, January 9, 2012

I Am Not A Self Help Book, I'm Just Awesome.

I have been trying to avoid this blog becoming about me giving advice for others, especially dating advice.  But one of my friends commented about my blog yesterday, mentioning about how a lack of confidence can be what a girl picks up on to make her not interested in a guy.  I decided that I would devote a blog to talking about confidence, and then put the relationship advice to bed for awhile. 

"Confidence is key."  It is true, that girls tend to be attracted to a guy with confidence, and can pick up when a guy is uncertain.  So what happens to those poor guys without confidence?  They get the boot; they get put in the friend zone; they get rejected.  But it's not easy to find confidence, they don't sell it at the dollar store, so then what?

I tend to be a clever mix of confidence and insecurity.  I get dressed up from time to time and know I look great, and when I go out looking all pretty it really boosts my mood.  One thing you can do for yourself is like who you are in the mirror.  I'm not saying get plastic surgery! I'm saying, look at yourself in the mirror and stop hating yourself.  Everyone's definitions of beauty are different.  For girls, we can adjust and tweak our appearance to improve upon ourselves.  Guys don't really have the same leisure.  But as guys encourage natural beauty from girls, I feel the same way.  Look at yourself in the mirror and learn to like what you see.  If you don't like your weight, that can be changed with discipline and dedication.  But other things cannot be changed, and quite frankly, not every single girl in the entire world is going to feel the way you do about yourself.  Learn to love the way you look.  Then dress the way you feel best, what makes you look at yourself and go, "Damn I look good," and that's a good start to confidence.

You have to look inside too.  A lot of guys I know feel undeserving of a relationship or wonder why they aren't in a relationship, but yet they constantly are down on themselves and their own personalities.  You are who you are.  What do you love about that girl you adore?  It's probably not solely about her looks, it's probably those quirky little things that she does, that chances are, she hates.  A girl is going to love you for your own quirky little things, BUT you have to find the right girl.  That takes time.  Some people get lucky, but some people don't.  And while you're waiting for the right girl to recognize your quirky little behaviors, you might as well learn to love yourself.

They say, fake it till you make it, but honestly, that only goes so far.  When it comes to who you are as a person, if you're down on yourself, CHANGE IT.  If you worry so much about what other people think, maybe you need to examine why you worry.  What is it about yourself that makes you feel like people wouldn't like you?  Is it a genuine concern, or is it irrational?  Could you change it?  Would it benefit you if you did?  I'm not saying change for other people.  But if you really think that being a different way would help you feel better about yourself, then GO FOR IT! Life is about evolving, adapting, and at the end of the day we are still the same at the core. 

Say you are insecure because you feel people don't like you because you're awkward.  Do you think your life would be better if you didn't feel awkward?  What can you do to ease your mind and be less awkward? Why are you awkward?  How can you fix it?  Do you want to fix it? Or do you think that someday, maybe a girl will love you for it?  That's the mental process to go through.  Don't completely change yourself for acceptance from others, but accept yourself.  And if you absolutely cannot accept yourself, then do what you feel will make you better, do what you think will make you happy!

If you feel good about yourself, then you don't worry so much about what other people think.  I'm not saying you don't CARE what other people think, I'm saying you don't WORRY.  Please be clear on that.  There is a difference.  It is okay to care what other people think; it's good to care in general.  It is not good to worry yourself sick about what other people think, especially when it's irrational and beyond your control.

When you are happy with who you are as a person, then you will portray that confidence.  A girl will pick up on it and think, "Wow, this guy really seems confident and secure with who he is.  I wonder why he feels that way, he must be pretty amazing."  A lot of douchebag guys act confident and portray confidence and that's why they get girls.  But it never lasts.  The difference with you is that if you look at yourself in the mirror, you like how you look, and you like who you are, the girl will pick up on it.  If you're not faking it, some girl will find it endearing, some girl will like you for it.  And if you're happy with who you are, then you'll make it easy for her to love you.

You have to love yourself before others will love you.  Get in touch with who you are, and why you're happy to be you.  Find your passion, do it often, tell yourself why you like yourself, be proud of who you are, and live your life how you want to be.  I may sound like a mushy self-help book right now but in my mind it's true.  A guy doesn't have to be a jerk to get noticed by a girl.  Hold yourself in high-esteem.  If you're proud of who you are, some girl will be proud of it too.

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