Sunday, January 8, 2012

Sometimes You Can't Win

Men hit on women at bars, and restaurants, and in the supermarket, and at Sheetz, and on the street.  They hit on women.  Whether the ulterior motive is to get laid or to make a genuine connection, is irrelevant.  Well, okay, so maybe it's relevant, but not completely relevant to what I'm talking about today.  It's your approach.  Because no matter how you decide to approach a girl, you may be doomed from the start.

For example, there are several different ways I have been approached at a bar.  There's the guy across the bar who sends you a free drink and never actually comes over to talk to you.  This is slightly nice, yet slightly creepy.  It's like, "Thank you sir for giving me a free drink. I'm sorry you didn't have the courage or enough interest to come over and actually have a conversation with me."  This is also helpful though, because the typical guys who use this approach are older guys who I really have no interest in having a conversation with, so I can avoid awkwardness by making eye contact, giving them a smile and a nod while sipping on my drink to acknowledge I appreciate it.  Luckily for me, I go to a bar where I know all the bartenders, and know that no matter how much the guy tipped the bartender, the bartender is not going to roofie my drink.

Then there's the guy who buys your drink and brings it over.  I'm not a huge fan of this guy, because there's the simple principle that, maybe I don't want your drink.  Maybe you're going to buy me some nasty ass drink that I hate, and now you're standing next to me, trying to talk to me and I have to bear with it and try to act as if I'm fine, so I don't offend you.  Then there's the obligation of actually talking to you because you bought me a free drink in the first place.  I think if you're one of these guys, your best bet is to ask the bartender what the girl is drinking, get her another one, when she's almost done with her original drink, and keep the conversation brief.  Bring it over to her, ask her why she likes it, say whatever it was that initially compelled you to buy her the drink, like you think she's pretty, and then bid her a good night and walk away.  If she's interested in you, she'll find a way to continue the conversation herself, or come over to you later in the night. Watch for body language!!! If she's avoiding your gaze, her body is basically turned away from you, or she's staring at her friend the entire time for reinforcement, chances are she's over talking to you and wants you to leave her alone.

How about the guy who doesn't buy you a drink but stands right next to you and starts to hit you up for a conversation?  This can be a harmless, but you have to keep in mind the time of your conversation.  Again, watch her body language, and keep the conversation brief.  She will come to you or give you a sign if she wants to continue talking.

How about the flirt and flee?  I got this the other night at the bar, where a guy came over and said, "I don't know you, but you and your friend are the hottest girls in this bar."  Then, he walked out.  Completely left.  What was the point of it?  Although I am in a committed relationship, I found it quite odd that the guy felt so compelled to come over and share that information with me, yet leave immediately afterwards.  It shows a lack of confidence.  Not to mention, yes, I'm taken, but the girl I was with isn't.  He could've ended up really hitting it off with her, if he hadn't run away.

At least this is better than a guy who as your walking past or he is walking past, says something about you being hot, and then laughs with his friends.  Congratulations, you have now received my "Tool of the bar" award.  I will now avoid you and walking near you the entire night, and trash talk your outfit and your friends for the next minute in the bathroom.  This also goes for the guy who wants to get a girls attention by being obnoxiously loud with his friends.  Yes, now I'm looking at you.  Trust me, this is a look of disgust or annoyance, not interest.  You are the type of guy that ruins my night because I can't have a simple conversation with the person next to me, I get a headache and want to distance myself from you as much as possible.  The type of girls you attract with this behavior, if that's what you're into, go for it.  But they are very rarely quality girls.  Yes, I hear you singing the song on the jukebox.  I'm so proud you know all the words.  I actually like this song and would like to hear it sung by the person who actually recorded it.  There's a reason they made money off of it, and you didn't.

Which brings me to my biggest anger.  What is up with the cat-calling in random places?  I'm pumping gas, walking to work, or going somewhere, and I get a chorus of inappropriate comments, and then the guys beckon I come back and talk to them.  When has that ever worked?  When has a guy ever yelled, "Nice ass" to a girl as she's crossing the street, and the girl walks up and goes, "Oh my God, please have sex with me."  Not to mention, if a girl did that her self-esteem is probably at negative 20, and you probably will end up hating her anyway.  GUYS, STOP THIS.  It does not work, it will not work, and in the rare exception it may work, it's not worth it.  I understand your need to show off your testosterone or good eye for women in front of your guy friends, but why not keep it on the down low.  Trust me, I don't want reinforcement on how my outfit looks, or how I look in it.  If I walked out of the house in it, I approve, I don't need your approval along with it.

My point is, within the first five minutes of a girl talking to you, she probably knows whether or not she's interested in you, whether it be a relationship or sex.  It's all about a spark with girls, you feel that instant chemistry. Yes, I'm not going to lie, it is based a lot on your appearance, but if a guy can make me smile or laugh within five minutes of meeting him, chances are I'm not gonna be opposed to having a conversation with him.  Sometimes you have to be creative.  This one night at the bar I was wearing a headband with zebra stripes on it.  A guy sat next to me and said, "So is that made of real zebra?"  The way he said it, I knew it was a joke, and it was clever enough to make me laugh.  I'm not gonna date the guy, I probably wouldn't have dated him even if I was single at the time, but I did proceed to have a conversation with him and didn't feel awkward and uncomfortable the entire time.  It's all about chemistry.  Try what I tell you, and you'll increase your odds, but sometimes you can't win.  The girl might be taken, the girl might still be head over heels for her ex, the girl might not be looking for anything, and the girl might not be interested in you.  But you're never gonna find out if you're doing the wrong things.  You REALLY won't find out if you never take a risk.

I felt like shedding some light on the situation for some of my single guy friends, and make some of my girl friends laugh because we've all had a guy hit on us in at least one of these annoying ways.  Adjust your behavior and yes, the nice guy really can get the girl.

***** Added******

Also wanted to say that for the most part, it is not okay to touch a girl you don't know unless she has initiated contact first.  Even at a club, hands on the hips is fine at first, but if you touch my boobs, ass, vagina, or even my stomach under my shirt, you're getting one warning where I remove your hands and then you're getting punched in the dick.

No comments:

Post a Comment