Thursday, January 12, 2012

Life is Fleeting.

With the impending doom of my 25th birthday so close at hand, I have been having a mixture of freak-outs and ecstatic outbursts that lead me to wonder where I really stand.  When I was 17 or 18, I started making lists of what I wanted to do by a certain age.  When I hit 20, half of these things had not come to completion, so I made another one of things I wanted to do by the time I was 25.  When I turned 24, I looked at the list, and crossed off things I knew were not going to happen within the next year, added a few more plausible things, and still have not achieved everything on the list.  This year, I feel like instead of making a list of things I want to do before I'm thirty, I just want to make a list of things I want to DO.  Then, I'm going to go DO them.  Whether it be setting a time-line, and writing in my planner "THIS IS WHEN YOU CAN DO THIS", or just going out and doing them one day when I'm bored, I really want to live.  Life is fleeting.  There are so many people in my life who have passed away before their time, and I really shouldn't feel like I have the leisure of even living until I'm 30.  Hell, I could be hit by a car crossing the street to work tomorrow.  I could die in my sleep from some crazy brain aneurysm that has a 1 in a million shot of happening.  The point is, life isn't certain.  Everyone goes through these periods of time, but honestly, right now I am so beyond content with my life right now that I can't understand how I let myself be a zombie the past year.  And it's so simple of a change, it's my mentality.  Right now, I spent everyday reading or doing some sort of craft I enjoy, working, and then I come home and either my boyfriend has made supper for me, or I begin to make supper for him, he comes home, we eat, we watch tv or a movie, we have "us" time, I have a cup of hot tea and do something to unwind, and then we curl up in bed together and I drift peacefully off to sleep. It's so simple it seems, but it is wonderful.  The future I have been waiting for so desperately, seems within my grasp that soon we will be leaving this town behind and moving off in our own place together (we already live together but have a roommate), and having our life together.  And this past year I've sat around and thought that when we move away our life will begin, but news flash Jenn, it's already in play. I had put myself in time out waiting for my life to start, and it was running past me full speed already.  And with the simple change of a mindset, with the simple second of me stepping back and thinking, "I am very lucky, I am very happy, I'm just not appreciating it" it has all changed.

Life is what you make it.  You can sit around and mope and be all woe-is-me.  You can become numb and zombie-like and do the same old thing every day without a care.  But life is what you make it.  You want to be happy? Surround yourself with the things you love, people, hobbies, but you have to do something about it.  Happiness won't come up and kick you in the face and say, "Honey, I'm home."  All the best things in life can be missed if you don't take the time to notice and appreciate them.

I am happy.  I am joyful.  I am content.

A friend once told me that when I get old I'm going to have wrinkles because I smile and laugh so much.

I can live with that.

I'm going to live.  I hope you'll join me.  Whether it be that I decide to go dance in the rain (something I love to do), sing loudly at the top of my lungs at work, jump out of a plane (hahaha no way), or take a could be something small, or something huge, but it means something to me.  It's called living.  Don't you want to be alive????

Stop settling for your boring life and laugh so hard you start crying, cry so hard you start laughing, skip in front of everyone and not give a damn.  Just live, and LOVE LIFE.

***If anyone has any suggestions for my bucket list, or can help me with something I want to do on my bucket list, let me know.

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