Friday, January 20, 2012

Stop Blaming Him

Jealousy can destroy a relationship.  While speaking to a friend the other day, the topic of jealousy came up and I want to share with my readers what I said to her.

If you are in a committed relationship, and there is a girl that speaks to your significant other, and is attracted to him, you need to break down the situation.  First off, is this girl going to create enough drama to break you two up?  Do you fear your significant other is going to cheat on you?  If you believe he is, examine why.  Has he demonstrated this kind of behavior before?  Is your relationship lacking?  If you come to the conclusion that he has cheated before, then has he done something to make up for this? Talk to your boyfriend and find out if he has any intention of cheating on you.  If he assures you no, and you believe him, let it drop.  Trust is essential.  Yes, he may end up betraying your trust and you may end up broken hearted, but nagging him about the situation will probably break the two of you up anyway, and demanding he never see or talk to her again will probably stimulate the "forbidden" part of his brain and he'll be all the more intrigued.

My issue with jealousy, is that often girls will blame the boyfriend, when honestly, it's about YOU.  You feel jealous of this other girl because she has something you don't have, whether it be your boyfriends attention, good looks, confidence, or whatever.  When you're jealous of another girl, it is usually because you are insecure about something about yourself.  So examine why you're insecure.  Have you done something wrong, and your boyfriend is mad at you so you feel like he's going to cheat?  Then make amends for what you did.  If you're afraid of the attention he gives her, find ways (POSITIVE WAYS) to get him to pay attention to you.  Reassure him that you are all the woman he needs.  If you think she is prettier than you are, examine why you are insecure about your looks.  Find ways to make yourself look pretty, and make you feel good about yourself.  Before pointing the blame at others and becoming jealous, you need to look inside yourself.

Everyone feels jealous.  Whether they're jealous of millionaires, models, their friends, or strangers, everyone ends up at one point or another feeling envious of another person.  The important thing is not to let this jealousy control your life.  Examine yourself, set a goal, hell, SET LOTS OF GOALS for how you can get what you want.  But also, take a look at what you already have. 

The world has become so obsessed with possessing everything.  We want to put labels on people in our lives.  You're MY "best friend".  You're my boyfriend.  You're my fiance.  My husband.  My family.  Then we want to buy lots of material things, we want to own cars, and laptops, and cell phones, and houses, and eat great food, and do fun things, and go great places.  We want to do it all.  If we don't get everything we want, we get jealous of the people that have it.  We drive ourselves crazy, feeling insecure because we don't have everything.  But take a look at what you do have.  Do you have a family? Friends?  Are you there for them? Are they there for you?  Do you have a support system? Do you have a roof over your head? Do you have food?  Do you have some sort of outlet for the stress of your day?  If you say yes to even one of these things, you are much more blessed than many.  There are so many people who survive, and fight to live, who don't have any of those things.  I'm not saying you shouldn't want anything out of life.  I'm simply saying you should always take time to appreciate what you do have.

Everything does not have to be yours.  Obtaining everything you want in the world won't make you special.  You make yourself special.  Find a millionaire who has a huge mansion and tons of cars and a whole group of followers.  Then find the type of person who smiles everyday, and feels truly blessed for the few things they have.  Which person do you find more beautiful? (When I say beautiful I mean inside and out, someone with a good heart).  It's those people who make the world a good place.  The people who suffer in silence, or not at all, because they realize how truly blessed they are to be alive at all.

It's natural to be jealous.  It's human, even, to want more out of life.  It's what helps us survive.  But don't let yourself blame others for that feeling.  You control your own jealousy.  Look inside yourself and figure out why.  Be at peace with who you are and what you have.  Be beautiful.

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